


Not now, not ever

by CytherVapora



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Love Triangles, Medical Jargon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Strap-Ons, mentions of johnny silverhand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:49:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28421973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CytherVapora/pseuds/CytherVapora
Summary: V falls for Panam while on the road to find a cure, too bad she already has a girlfriend and Panam was straight... seemingly.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez & Panam Palmer, Judy Alvarez/Female V, Panam Palmer/Female V
Comments: 8
Kudos: 176





	Not now, not ever

**Author's Note:**

> This won't be a three-way mutual relationship, meaning there won't be any Judy/Panam but they will become closer through V and the fact that they'll end up sharing a girlfriend. 
> 
> They are both best girls and I wish I could've romanced both of them while playing a girl but Panam deadass rejected me, so I had to make a male V as well. 
> 
> I hate how there wasn't a happy ending where V doesn't die, so I'm writing a small fic (about 5 chapters long) to fix that. Don't know how long these chapters will be but the fic will definitely be over 12k words. 
> 
> This is a free time kinda thing, so I don't have a schedule for releasing chapters, I'll be writing while playing the game so I might get side tracked.

V wakes up to a pounding headache and the smell of cheap but heartwarming coffee. It was cold and chilly. The bed underneath her wasn’t like the comfortable mattress she was used to at her old place. It was small and hard. She opened her eyes to see a green tarp over her head, part of the tent that was coined her home. Weeks now. 12 weeks. Half of her time gone, just like that. 

V sits up and wraps the blanket around herself, blocking her bare arms from the brittle cold. 

“You finally awake? I thought I might’ve smacked you if you slept for any longer..” Judy greets her as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. The techie hands her a fresh cup of coffee, black just how she likes, and sits beside her on the bed. 

V takes a careful sip of the hot beverage and sighs as it warms her up. It was coming winter and the city girl wasn’t used to cold weather, Night City never felt cold to her. The constant crowds, the lights, the cars, the food stalls… the Joytoys. They kept her warm all those years and now being so far away from it all left a shiver down her spine. Her soul. 

Some days she thinks she may regret leaving all that behind. Her hard earned status, her associates, her friends. Vik, Misty, Mama Welles. Even Jackie, who wasn’t there physically, V felt as though he had been there in spirit. But out here in the open lands, she knew that Jackie spirit or not, would’ve never followed her out here. He was a city boy, through and through. V loved him for it. 

But she doesn’t regret it. Not when she looks at her new family, the Aldecaldos. Judy, her incredible girlfriend. And … Panam. 

The leader of the clan had been nothing but wonderful to her, to Judy. Panam immediately offered a place for her girlfriend within the clan and even went above and beyond to search for anything that might and could help V and her damned situation. She couldn’t have asked for a better best friend. 

However, that title, ‘best friend’ has started to blur as the days go by. 

It started as harmless teasing. Panam would tease her about not knowing how to use certain weapons or tools around the camp. Teased V about how wacky her dance moves were that one time she was dared to dance around the campfire. Teased V about her driving skills or how she couldn’t cook to save her life. 

Just teased. 

Judy didn’t have a problem with it, she joined in most of the time and enjoyed how V gets flustered at the words. 

Then things got a little more intimate. Panam would brush her hand against her lower back as they star-gazed out on the cliffs or when they would sit around the campfire. Sometimes she would sling her arm over V’s shoulder and stay until V moved away, which was never. 

One night, she and Panam were on a supply run and got stuck in another sandstorm, bunked it out in a nearby motel and shared a room like they always did. The twist was that there was only one bed at that time. No couches and only hard concrete flooring, of course Panam insisted V sleep with her on the tiny bed. Not nearly big enough to fit the both of them and resulted in having V spoon Panam in order not to fall off. She didn’t get any sleep that night. Indecent thoughts and the fact that Panam was a heavy snorer. 

And then. Well. Panam kissed her on the cheek when V made her a necklace from a bullet casing that had almost killed Panam on a run they did at the very start of their journey away from NC. Scared the hell out of everyone, V was so shaken up that night, she barely left Panam’s side as she got patched up. Turns out she overreacted and so did everyone else, Panam made a full recovery within a few days.

V shook her head and felt a weird fluttering in her stomach at the thought of the woman. She pushed them back and remembered she already has a loving girlfriend, guilt washing over her. 

“‘Eddie for your thoughts?” Judy nudged her. 

V chugged the rest of her bitter coffee and ran a shaking hand through her hair, grown longer since leaving NC, and hadn’t bothered to cut or re-dye it. 

The merc shook her head and reached over to hold Judy’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. V’s hand was slightly bigger and calloused from all the shit she’s been through, Judy’s slightly softer and smaller.

“Nothing much.” V lied. She couldn’t admit to her own girlfriend that she was thinking about another woman. 

“Well... I figured out how to warm ourselves up.” Judy smirked and grabbed the cup from her hand, setting it down on the frosty ground below their bed. 

V raised a pierced eyebrow and smiled innocently. “Oh, how so?” 

Judy pushed V back down to lie on the bed, straddling her so their pelvises were aligned but not touching. V slid her hands up Judy’s baggy hoodie and caressed the taut abs there, nothing too sensual yet. Judy shivers at the touch of cold fingers. 

“So, Panam.” Judy starts, grinding down, hips wounding in tight circles causing V to moan quietly and thrust upwards to get more friction. 

V stops for a moment before answering. 

“Yeah? What about her?” 

Judy stops her motions too and leans down to trap V’s head between her hands. 

“She’s hot. Like mega hot. Don’t you think?” 

V narrows her eyes a smidge and tightens her grip on Judy’s hips. 

“If you plan on seducing her, she’s straight, y’know.” V half jokes. Of course she found out the hard way the first time around, before things got serious with her and Judy. 

Judy rolls her eyes and sits up. “Yeah... Not so sure about that one. You must be gonk to think she’s straight. Bet you 500 eddies that she’s at least 50/50.” 

V whistles, “Thats a lot of eddies. She’s straight, I’m tellin’ ya. I got rejected.” 

Judy grins and punches her shoulder. “Maybe that was just you.” 

V punches back lightly. “Well you like me, what does that say ‘bout your taste?” 

“That I’m an idiot, probably. Come on! Bet with me!” 

“Fine! Fine! But it’s your eddies you’re losin’ and I’ve been eyeing up a pair of boots Carol was willing to sell me.” 

Just then their tent opens up, and Panam rushes through, almost tripping in the process. Her cheeks were flushed like she had been sprinting and her hair was arrayed. 

“Guess what! I found a ripperdoc that was interested in your case and he said he was specialised in headspace neurosurgery like those dicks in Arasaka! He’s a real metal head and is giving us a discount if we do a supply heist for him-“ Panam stops rambling and realised what the two women were up to before she forced her way in out of excitement. “Oh.... uh- I didn’t realise Judy was- that you guys were in the middle of- you know what? I’ll just come back later...” 

She was about to leave when Judy got off V to grab a wrist, stopping her. 

“It’s okay, we were just playing around. Right, V?” Judy turned her head and winked discreetly. 

V cleared her throat and nodded accordingly, sitting up again. “Yup, just making stupid bets. So this ripperdoc... he legit? What if he’s just scamming you into doing some heist for nothing?” 

Panam took a second to gather her wits before responding, crossing her arms. 

“Nope, he’s the real deal. I have some buddies down south that have worked with him. He’s called Jason Delameer, quite young in the field but incredibly talented. People have been calling him the Cyberpunk Jesus.” 

V doesn’t respond and looks dejectedly down at her bare feet. 

“V? Say something? Come on, isn’t this the breakthrough we’ve been looking for?” Panam tilts her head in confusion at V’s posture. Not at all the happy or shocked reaction she had been expecting. 

“Judy… do you mind?” V whispers loud enough for Judy to hear.

Judy purses her lips and pats Panam on the shoulder. “I’ll leave you two to hash it out, gotta delta, I promised Mitch I would help with his new tech.”

V waits for Judy to go before finally speaking up. 

“You’re probably wonderin’ why I’m not jumping in joy, right?” 

Panam nods and kneels down so she could see V properly. “Come on, V. What’s up, really?”

V shakes her head and wrings her wrists, a habit she developed whenever she was nervous. “I… I-I’ve spent weeks chasing dead ends and everyone who I thought could help has told me that I was living on borrowed time. Vik, Hellman… heck even the God-like AI said I had maybe 6 months.”

Panam reaches out so she could cradle V’s hands in between her own. 

“And you’re just gonna give up like that?”

“Panam, I don’t want to get my hopes up again. It’s not bad y’know, I can meet Jackie again and I can kick his ass for well... kicking the bucket when I needed him most.”

Panam slaps V, so hard V’s head turns on impact. 

“Stop talking like that! What happened to the V I knew?! The V I used to know would’ve never said anything that stupid. The V I knew would have scoured the entire planet and the big dark for a cure. You think Jackie would’ve let you die? Would want you to die when you had the chance to live? I don’t even know the choom, but I guarantee he would’ve slapped your sorry ass too.” 

V, a little stunned, stayed quiet as Panam continued. 

“We’re gonna do that gig. We’re gonna get you to that ripperdoc and he's gonna cure you. It’s that simple. I’m not gonna let you delta outta this one and you ain’t leavin’ that pretty output of yours. You really gonna do that to her? After all she's been through?”

Panam cups V cheek, the one she smacked, with one hand. She wipes the tears away. 

V shakes her head weakly. “I don’t deserve Judy.”

Panam rolls her eyes and scoffs, “Yeah well, I think that's up to her to decide and if it were up to me, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

V looks up finally and flips her hands up so she could curl them around Panam’s free hand. “You really think I can cheat a flatline?”

“You did it before, you’ll do it again.” Panam answers with conviction. “I’ll be there every step of the way.”

V pulls Panam in by the shoulders and hugs her. “I’m so glad I met you. Even if you were a little scary in the beginning.” 

She feels the other woman chuckle and tries hard to not focus on the sweet sound next to her ears and what that does to her. It’s just a crush, who wouldn’t crush on Panam. 

“You mean everything to me, V. I hope you know that.” Panam confesses quietly, holding her tighter around the waist. That doesn’t help with the butterflies fluttering away in her stomach.

V doesn’t say anything after that but doesn’t pull away either, they hugged until they were called for and V felt a spark lit up inside her again. 

The will to live. 

And if Johnny were with her still, he would be cheering her on and making crude remarks about finally growing a pair of balls.


End file.
